i always assumed, at least a part of me assumed, that my real life adult job would require me rubbing my temples surrounded by loose pieces of papers. there would be a small bottle of jack daniels next to my coffee cup and my glasses would be foggy from the stress sweat. turns out that would be a dream, real life jobs are far less melodramatic. i suppose that's my fault in a way. 

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also, and this is a self-imposed hinderance, but i find that i become increasingly deflated the more i care about a real life job. what a trick they all have pulled, to make you depend on this thing that can only be compared to a leach. how funny to depend on a leach because it's supposed to depend on you. if i let this leach down, i die.

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additionally, in conjunction with the previous thought, i have found myself increasingly distrustful of traffic monitors. there has been no training implemented to ensure safety, is their training rigorous. i live in ignorance, so i have no way of knowing. perhaps it is linked with a desire to self fortify, or forty desires of selfishness. hunter s thompson nearly ruined this book, but i won't let him.​